just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
