how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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