I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
