I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
