We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
