went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
