I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
