I have demons in me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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