Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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