My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize