i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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