I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize