i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
