she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You are the jesus of drinking
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
