Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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