I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
