you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
