Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize