why didn't you poke me back
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
