At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
