Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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