if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
