Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
