Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
