I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
