You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
