apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
