I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
sarcasm needs its own font
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
