imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
