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My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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