i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
