Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize