dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
