Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
