Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
