I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
