You're my little dorito
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
