we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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