I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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