then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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