Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
