Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize