Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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