I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
