i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
