So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
