Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
