u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
