Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
