I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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