Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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