He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
