I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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