What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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