All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
