I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
