In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
