The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize