dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
