his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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