Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
