they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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