um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
