Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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