Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
