remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
