Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
