Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
