You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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