in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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