I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
