I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
